Sunday, 15 April 2012

Hearts all crumbly and karbootness

Thank you everyone for just being so kind and supporting me through the scary and tough times.
Theirs such a big journey ahead of me and right now its hard to see much good in it. Not because I cant see
the good things or refuse them. 
It's just lately my relationship has been in turmoil and its surreal trying to prepare yourself for the future without one.
Considering the wheels of moving into a flat was already put in motion and the sting of thinking how akward it might be.

And then your sitting there god what the hell am I doing and what do I want anymore?
Do I want love? Do I feel loved right now? Why do I put everyone else first? Why cant I be selfish to?
Would I ever find love again? Do I even want to find love again? 
How do I love myself first to say I've had enough and want to be happy?

Then you feel like crap for thinking god I tolerate so much or im such a crappy person.
So unattractive and unwanted and unloved but ill keep smiling.
No one wants to be alone or unloved.

I do know I'll take things as they come and that I want to create forever and be young at heart always.

I actually have a cold now to and it kinda sucks my sleep will never heal! ahahahaha!

A glove on a tree falala!

I had a dream the other night where I was a an actual hand made small doll. And I was talking and interacting with other dolls and their mouths didnt move. All the motion of the dream was like a stop motion cartoon it was really cool. 
And all the dolls looked weird and charming including my little doll hands I could see in front of me.
One doll wanted in my pants tho and I was going to explain to it I dunno how that would work. 
But then I woke up.

The most amazing thing about the dream tho was that I could feel all the materials. 
I cant explain it but I could feel the clay and wood me and the other dolls where made of.
And the basic fabric and lace our little costumes where made out of. 
It was almost amazing I forgot I was dreaming. Imagine experiencing touch in a dream?!

My dreams have been crazy lately been kissing different people in them I know in real life one minute. 
And then being alone and shunned in them the next and other weird places.

Little fishes at the chinese take away we went to I love them alot. 
Especially the big ones tail its so beautiful watching it swish and sway.

God I got into Uni how did this happen?!

Sadly because my sleep has been all over the place I have turned night into day. 
And it made me not get much done within the space of about a week.
So I sadly have not did much drawing but I have been spending time with my family a great deal.
And doing odd little jobs I've wanted to get around to doing for a while.

Like as an example I was sewing and been making clothes fit me better. 
Cause Im riddiculously thin I never look right or clothes are always some way or another baggy on me.
Its cool being thin I guess but you do look ill and almost skeleton or unnatural in a way. 
But I like that and think it can be beautiful and like to make my characters like that in my work.

Dunno If I've talked about it much but I like to go to charity shops and karboots often. 
I collect lots of the strange and things I find beautiful. 
I have posted some stuff in the past but I would like to post things to show you guys of finds Im proud of.
But yet have no where to keep and display them maybe a flat will be handy for that! XD

 I got this flower press for 50p recently at a karboot. 
I thought I would never see one and the lady who had it actually asked me what it was.

I've been wanting to start collecting more antique things such as taxidermy and old photographs and the like.
Im just a little clueless with all this kinda stuff. 
For examples I dont really know how to perserve animals or plants.
I have a butterfly in our fridge thats been in a tiny tub since before christmas. 
And I dunno how to make the next leap to put it into a frame to make it last.

These are flowers I've had pressed in a book for about a year but their starting to rott so I have no idea what Im doing. 
And I guess money can be an issue too when collecting and keeping things beautiful. X_x

Offt sorry guys this post has dragged quite a bit just had to get a lot off my chest. 
Cant even breathe through my nose just now stupid cold.

One more thing tho!

I got this as a gift from my sister for getting into uni and back into her house.
(Long story)

I plan to make him part of a giveaway idea if everyone would be so inclined.

Have you guys had fun the past week?
Take care


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...