Thursday, 10 March 2011

A reply to S-Jin blog post on our futures and digtal art and sharing some past pain

Hey everyone im planning to do a super positive post on nice things and what ive been up to real soon cause theirs been a lot. This was a comment meant for S-Jins Latest blog post but i felt it needed to be put up to share as a propper post. I do hope you will find enlightment and maybe even relate to what ive went through with art and education.

It is 3.17am and i guess i needed to say things even if their in my head and on a screen.

(Edvard Munch)

"Oh my Sunny it’s amazing how much we think the same as artists and our futures as them.

I’ve sadly had the same experiences with school in what kind of work I was doing in certain subjects. At first I was a purely digital artist mainly apart from drawing in pens and pencil characters/stories etc. to be scanned in Photoshop.

I even did animation and countless characters and stories and sometimes silly videos.
I drew really cartoony creatures and anime-ish characters all through high school but I still made little stories and comics. I didn’t think about my future at all back then I just liked to draw and make things it was simple.

I went to college on a whim not even thinking about what an outcome would be. That when I started more traditional art and learned life drawing and media. I didn’t think about it though I just did what I wanted and handed in my work on time.

I applied for illustration at the end of the year though I was really upset to find that I didn’t get in. I got told I didn’t get in because their wasn’t enough places for me, yet the fine art class the year after was bursting with students and had no room or even table space for all the students in a tiny room. While the illustration classes had plenty of room and less students and enough tables.

It made me wonder why I worked so hard to be told lots of lies at even media that was my first time trying. The teachers praised me all year which I’m too modest to admit to most.

And even said I was to get merit for my work. Yet I got no merit and at the end of the year was told half my work was terrible and found out the teachers had been talking about me in bad terms amongst each other because I was a little annoyed about changing a poster cause a teacher wanted me to.

I was very upset when they told me this that I ended up ripping up the piece in front of them that they said was terrible and better off in the trash.

They were shocked by my behaviour and ended up saying sorry for what they said and that there must be other things in my life that made me act that way. Art is my life in so many ways and they made me feel embarrassed for that.

A few days later I ended up doing a huge mixed media piece of how I felt about, feeling like a failure, depressed, misunderstood and betrayed. It’s still in my room in a dark corner ill post it one day maybe it will help others when they have dark feelings.

Were not failures because we keep trying and that in it should be enough.

I went to that college for another year to do a course that was exactly the same as the one I did but it was just slightly harder. I always got bad marks for my work but probably because after that I got very numb and uncomfortable in the building after that.

And another college for two years which I did learn more in certain areas but some teachers were the same. I only went for the course so I could learn Dreamweaver and html. Was my 4rth year of still life and life drawing classes which.

I didn’t enjoy doing any work anymore even though I push myself to do it always and hand it all in on time. I don’t eat or sleep just so I can get the work done. It was just really disheartens to never get good marks yet to be told you were good enough at the same time.

It’s made me enjoy my art less and I find myself worrying more about my arts future more than actually concentrating on now. I learned new media and techniques from the classes but I can’t help but feel I could have done that on my own. I’ve also learned that a lot of teachers will ruin you as an artist, not that their all bad.

But I don’t get why I had one teacher who gave me A's for all my work at one point and respected me as a person and friend. And also moved me up to a higher class and not out of pity but cause they genially thought I had a talent and earned it.

Yet most of all other teachers gave me really low marks for working even harder than I should have for them. And treated me like I was an idiot and put me in all the lowest art classes.

But I’m sorry I’ve rambled too much now.

But yes doing digital art isn’t a bad thing at all I’ve been the opposite and went from digital to traditional but I’ve gone back to digital and now do both.

Putting digital and traditional together as an artist is a really powerful mix. We all live in the digital age and using those types of tools is very valuable but so is drawing in our rooms. Really late at night when it’s quiet and when we think a picture or an idea we did won’t make a difference.

It does make a difference though because you the artist had the drive and power to do it. There are only a few rare people in the world that can do that but theirs numerous people who can’t.

Everything I’ve went through even if it’s been really hard and very negative I know that I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now and what I know now. Just like your lecturer but it’s just a shame that I’m a lot more unhappy now.

I feel reality of my work all too much to make it as an artist just the same as we all must do. But we all know at the end of the day we can do it and one day it will all come together. It’s just the waiting takes time cause we are still learning even if were unsure.
I do hope that you enjoy digital Sunny. <3"

And for everyone else that needs this i hope it helped you.


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