Thursday, 9 December 2010

So much sugar everywhere

First of all I would like to thank everyone thats entered the giveaway so far its very exciting! and my new followers on blogger and DA thank you *much love*

If anyone else would like to enter the giveaway please feel free theirs still time!

January the 10th is when it closes!


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The reason ive been sorta absent from Blogging and DA is because theirs been epic snow here! Like so much snow its caused alot of problems including travel and post. This is why i had to change the closing date of the giveaway. I can only hope the weather gets better by then too!










I got stuck at my friends for 13 days and couldnt get home im grateful i was somewhere warm and safe with good company tho! 
I spent the entire time playing video games, watching movies, buying food, eating food, being cosy, talking and bonding.
 I manadged to do some more art while there aswell in my sketchbook ive been sorta drawing on what i feel like drawing instead of really concentrating so much on it, letting the pencil take me places.




I home now and i feel quite surreal that i manadged to get home so quickly, the 13 days felt like a blur. Im still not comfortable being at home so much because of what happened this year.

I eventually got paid aswell from my work which distressed me a lot being so soon to christmas. So much trouble it wasnt worth it really. Now i can buy presents for everyone and some art materials to do more work finally.

I didnt ask for any christmas gifts this year either and then the tiny part of me that comes up thinking im worth something came up recently. And then said "hey you know what Debz you had a really horrible year you deserve a gift."
But then when i got home i got reminded of why i didnt want any gifts, no one listens to me or wants to take the the time to get to know me.

I still dont really know what i want to do with my life or art and its stressing me out quite a bit or if i would ever like to go back to school. And i dont know who or where to go to ask for advice on this.

I had a dream when i was at my friends about me owning a very small little place that was like a studio with some rooms and basic needs. 
And in the dream i wanted the place so much cause it was like a little secret for me to be able to work away on art and be at peace. I woke up still wanting it and thinking it was going to be mine. I think i crave that a lot just now, i think im craving to be independent and work for my meals and all my needs.



The councilor lady still never called me or got through to me, it makes me wonder if they ever will or if asking for help was even the right choice even tho it was so difficult to do. 
When i asked for the help my doctor took out a blank piece of paper from a drawer and scribbled my name on it with a list of other peoples names. 

Most of them were scored out, it sorta disturbed me that thats how they handle someone asking for help. That their just a name on a white space that gets thrown away in a dark drawer like we are the problem.

Its been so difficult to try and carry on doing normal things and dealing with normal things, its hard to pretend everythings fine all the time. I usually express my negative vibes through my art as a way to be thearpy for myself.

But this is a feeling i cannot shake so easily. Im so emotionally sick with worry that im surprised i havent gave up yet. 


6 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness!! Your snow pictures are so beautiful!!!! So amazing to capture such beauty!!!!
    I love your toe nails!!
    Red is such a great colour!!!

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  2. Take a deep breath and everything you need and want will be revealed in time and then a way for achieving those things will appear to! Just keep your chin up and your pencil in hand and all will get better :D

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  3. aww hunny *hugs* SNOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW lol i hope it doesnt continue with huge snowstorms or ill be stuck not getting there! lol

    on another note im SO glad your dumb work finally paid you *shakes fist* took them long enough <3

    keep smilin sweety, only 18 more days till im there <3

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  4. MY GOODNESS! those snowy pictures are so beautiful... it doesn't snow where i live, so these pictures are like MAGIC! it must have been nice to cozy up at a friends house for 13 days, isolated from everything else :-)

    I found it very scary how you went to the doctor for help and all he did was write your name on a slip of paper to be put away in a drawer.... it makes me sick how people can be so callously ignorant about other people's feelings and problems... it seems that most people can hardly give 2 cents about other people as long as it's not affecting their own crappy lives. it's like they think it's contagious or something... it really makes me sick sometime.... Honey, at time likes these, you have to remember that you need to stick up for yourself if no one else will.... be strong and remain as sweet as you are.....
    things will get better.

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  5. ps: about those copiic markers~ i tried it out and they're pretty awsome! they come out kind of like watercolor, but the hue is more saturated/intense! i guess it can be good for some things, but i think i prefer watercolor? haha are you familiar with anime? most of those works are done with copiic markers

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  6. @NoNo
    Im glad you like the pictures so much! yay for red its a brand by Barry M, dunno if youve heard of it. They do great colours for make up and nail varnish. I also watched the red shoes was an awesome film!

    @Starlen
    Wanted to thank you so much for the follow! I need to follow you too! Thank you so much for the lovely words and support <3

    @Hey dusty ill talk to you on msn soonish!
    Yeahs gonna be awesome when you visit!
    pfft i know fianlly!

    @S.Jin
    Waaaaaaah Sunny thank you so much for commenting and entering the giveaway im so humbled you would want some of my work compared to yours <3

    Im glad you like the snow hee as i know Cali doesnt get it really. Your completely right about the whole way some doctors deal with things. I agree with how bad people can react or be about somethings like it is a disease. Disgraceful!

    Thank you so much for the support and kind words im inspired by you and your art all the time. Your like my fave present artist just now and have been for a long time thank you <3 You made me get into painting again.

    Im glad you like the markers so much. I have considered getting them in the past when i used to draw anime lol! I do enjoy watercolour a great deal!

    I do like anime quite a bit, i saw that anime on your blog it looked really cool. Animes i like are Hellsing (love my vampires) cowboy bebop, Elfen lied and death note (casual fan) and old school like sailor moon and dragonball z. LOL!

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